Back to school

As the summer winds down and the school gates open once again, many children feel a mix of excitement and nerves. Some look forward to seeing their friends, while others may feel anxious about new routines, teachers, or academic pressures. As parents, this season often brings our own worries too—wondering how our children will cope, whether they’ll settle in, and how best to support them.

From a counselling perspective, the focus isn’t on “fixing” children’s feelings or pushing them to behave a certain way, but rather on creating the conditions where they can thrive: unconditional positive regard, empathy, and genuineness. These core values can guide us as parents during the back-to-school transition.

1. Offer Unconditional Positive Regard

Children need to know they are valued for who they are, not just for their achievements or behaviour at school. Whether they come home with glowing feedback or a challenging day, your acceptance helps them feel secure. Instead of jumping straight to solutions, try:

Acknowledging their feelings: “I can see that was hard for you today.”

Reassuring them of your love: “I’m proud of you for being yourself, no matter what.”

When children feel accepted, they are more likely to develop resilience and confidence in facing new challenges.

2. Listen with Empathy

Back-to-school worries often show up in behaviour—clinginess, irritability, or even silence. Listening with empathy means tuning in not just to words but also to feelings underneath. This might mean putting aside your own anxieties for a moment to really hear their perspective.

Give space for them to talk, even if their worries feel small.

Reflect back what you hear: “It sounds like you felt left out at lunch.”

Resist the urge to correct or minimise their experience.

Children who feel heard are more likely to trust themselves and open up when things get tough.

3. Be Genuinely Present

Amid busy schedules, it can be powerful to offer your child undivided attention. This doesn’t mean hours of deep conversation every day—sometimes it’s about short, meaningful moments: a chat on the walk to school, sitting together over a snack, or simply being available when they’re ready to talk.

Being genuine also means being honest about your own feelings, in a way that’s appropriate for their age. You might say, “I also feel a little nervous about new situations, and that’s okay.” This models healthy emotional expression and shows them they’re not alone.

4. Encourage Autonomy

A person-centred approach recognises that each child is the expert in their own experience. Encourage them to have a say in their routines and problem-solving.

Let them choose their school supplies or plan their homework time.

Ask open questions like, “What do you think would help you feel calmer in the morning?”

This empowers them to develop their own strategies rather than relying only on adult solutions.

5. Remember Self-Care for Parents

Supporting your child is easier when you also support yourself. The back-to-school season can stir up your own memories, pressures, and expectations. Be gentle with yourself and seek support if you need it—whether from friends, teachers, or a counsellor. When children see parents caring for themselves, it normalises self-compassion.

Final Thoughts

Back-to-school is a season of growth, not just for children but for parents too. By embracing person-centred principles—acceptance, empathy, and authenticity—you can create a nurturing environment that helps your child face new challenges with confidence. Remember, it’s not about perfection, but about connection.